~ How To Shower Like a MAN ~

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your weiner in the mirror, scratch yourself and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a wash cloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face

7. Wash your armpits

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower).

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hang out of the tub the whole time.

15. Partially dry off.

16. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size.

17. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

18. Leave bathroom and fan light on.

19. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

20. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Speed Limit

Redneck Newlyweds

A week after their marriage,
the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...

"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried,"
said the husband.

"My testicles are turning blue." "That's pretty unusual,"
said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough,
the Redneck's testicles are blue.

The doctor turns to the wife.
"Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"

The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard runs into him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."