Double Talk



A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her
 pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied,
"About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said,
"I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,"
 she responded.

"I mean," he continued,
 "what are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town,
and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied.
"We have a two-car carport and have never
 really needed one."

"Please," he tried again,
 "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.
  We don't necessarily like the music,
 but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded,
"about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,
"Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied.
 "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does.
 He said he can't communicate with me!!!"

The Big Date
 

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Top Reasons Why Dogs Are Better
Than Women

1. The later you are the more excited dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.

3. Dogs think you sing great.

4. Dogs don't shop.

5. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

6. Dogs like beer.

7. Dogs never expect gifts.

8. Dogs don't spend holidays with their parents.

9. Dogs don't need 500 pairs of shoes.

10. Dogs don't hate their bodies.

But the top reason dogs are better than women..........

Dogs love to go hunting and fishing!