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A good laugh is great medicine


 Wow
 

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam.
The doctor told him to have a seat.
In the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools he
noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table.

A tube of K-Y jelly;
A rubber glove; and
A beer.

When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.....Holy Crap, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT.

Posted by Topaz at 7:31 AM - 31 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 The Difference
 

 

 

 

 

What is the difference between men and women?

 

 

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

 

Posted by Topaz at 7:20 AM - 34 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Wow!!
 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Posted by Topaz at 7:50 AM - 36 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Night Out
 

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. I thought, " Whew! I got away with that one!"

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, "Oh shit, " cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat,cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

Posted by Topaz at 7:57 AM - 41 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Bright Woman
 

THE PERFECT DRESS

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

NOW I ASK YOU: IS THERE A WOMAN ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

 

Posted by Topaz at 7:30 AM - 31 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: Topaz
From USA
 
This blog is about...
Life is full of heartaches-laughter will help to deal with the stress.
 
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