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A good laugh is great medicine


 Ha...Ha
 

 

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

 

Posted by Topaz at 10:12 AM - 22 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Oh No
 

 

 

 

Every year John went to the Doctor for an annual exam. This year was no different. After the Doctor examined John, he told him"You are in excellent health and I will see you again next year".

John left the office and as he was walking back to his car he collapsed, apparently unconscious.

As the next patient was going to the Doctor's office she noticed a collapsed man laying face down on the sidewalk facing the street. She reported to the nurse what she saw.

The nurse ran out and saw it was John whom the doctor had just given a good bill of health. Immediately the nurse checked his pulse and found none. She ran back to the office and reported this incident to the Doctor and said "What should I do"?

The Doctor said "Which way is he facing"? The nurse replied, "He is facing leaving the office".

The Doctor replied "Turn him around so he is facing coming into the office".

 

Posted by Topaz at 8:25 AM - 21 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 E-Mail
 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GRANDMA LEARNS TO E-MAIL

Dear Kids,
I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in.  This week we actually got to go outside for an hour.

I haven't been feeling very good this week - the friend I shared a room with died yesterday.   I am coping pretty well with my sorrows.   It's been six months since you've visited me last, I guess you're all pretty busy.   It's OK, I've learned to use the Internet to pass the time.   And the computer in the rec room has a pretty decent web cam.

So you can remember what I look like,   look below.   I have attached a recent picture of myself.   You all take care, and write to me soon.

With all of my heart.

Love, Grandma

 

 

 

 




Posted by Topaz at 8:26 AM - 30 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Email Alert
 

This not a HOAX. 
If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98, 2000 or XP environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN*****

And...if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
Send this warning to absolutely everyone!!!


THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD! Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! ... And look at you - you're on the computer!!!! Sad...very sad.

Posted by Topaz at 8:44 AM - 22 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Bus Stop
 

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"

Posted by Topaz at 8:24 AM - 30 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: Topaz
From USA
 
This blog is about...
Life is full of heartaches-laughter will help to deal with the stress.
 
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