A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that theyounger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn`t even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
"I didn`t have to," the elder physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill."
"That`s pretty sneaky," commented the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"
"I don`t suppose it could hurt anything," the elder physician replied.
At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.
"I`ve felt terribly run down lately," the widow replied. "I just don`t have as much energy as I used to."
"You`ve probably been doing too much work for the church,"
the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient.
"Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder physician said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to

that conclusion?"
"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just like you, I dropped

my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!"

Instructions for life
from the back of the box

* On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating

* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body

* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery

* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness

* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use

* On Sainsbury's Peanuts
Warning: contains nuts

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands

Don't Talk to My Parrot

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish-washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog; he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lays there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.

The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"  To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

 

A little guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"No, it's not that", says the little man. "Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing so I got a cab to return home. After I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar... And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."