Let's see how dumb you are with this little test...


1) If it takes twenty minutes to hard-boil one goose egg,
how long will it take to hard-boil four goose eggs?20 minutes, 4 eggs can be boiled at the same time. 2) Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
....Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

3) Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
.....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days. 4) Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
....No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

5) Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10.
What do you get?
..... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

6) A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half
an hour. How long will the pills last?
......One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at
1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour
has passed.

7) A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are
left?
..... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.


8) A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?

Topaz>

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration, the manager hired her.

After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said,
''I told you to give each Elmo two test tickles,
not two testicles!!''

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her

morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession

approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long

black hearse about 50 feet behind the

first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary

woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance

back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully

approached the woman walking the dog and said,

"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a

bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.

Whose

funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was

trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of
Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?)

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd
ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I
was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the
line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a
tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd
been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he
roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I''ll give you $100 if you''ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I''m supposed to promise to ''love, honor and obey'' and ''be faithful to her forever,'' I''d appreciate it if you''d just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom''s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom''s hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."