Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.

"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.

"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"

"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"

"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.

They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

" Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World.

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the Super Bowl.
At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women
buy just one ticket.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
one of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats
but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The men see this happen and
agree it was quite a clever idea. After the game, they decide to do the same
thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they
buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment,
that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a
toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves their toilet
and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. The woman knocks
on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

And I'm still trying to figure out why some men ever think they are
smarter than women!!!

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot
tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the
party
who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this
Christian family.

No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit
this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your
heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your
transgression."
Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop
traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
quivered
as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never
said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple
of my
friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

Nude Pic of Santa!!!

Scroll down. Whoo Hoo!! You're gonna love this.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

For Crying out loud.........Act your age........ There is no naked Santa!! Took the part of the joke off where said no santa...goodness my friends didnt know some would take offense at that...Hope this makes all happy...PEOPLE IT WAS JUST A JOKE...NOT A MATTER OF WHETHER THERE IS OR ISNT A SANTA CLAUS...JUST A JOKE.