An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked,
"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT."
It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way..it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.

When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.
Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers.
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is ! DIARRHEA ."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh sure", said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants."

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!!!!

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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.
So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to
watch and report any activities that might develop.
A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE!

Three buddies decided to take their wives on
vacation for a week in Las
Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great
time. After they returned
home and the men went back to work, they sat
around at break and discussed
their vacation.

The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do
that again! Ever since we
got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7
come 11' all night & I
haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My
wife played blackjack the
whole time we were there and she slaps the bed
all night and hollers, 'Hit
me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a
wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says, "You guys think you have it
bad! My wife played the
slots the whole time we were there and I wake up
each morning with sore
privates and a rectum full of quarters!”

A teacher asked her class to make a sentence using the word "fascinate".

Molly put up her hand up and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten-eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.