I was sitting in the waiting room for my appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then??

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray haired man with the deeply line face was way to old to have been my classmate. Or could he?? (are you thinking about 3/4 of the guys at our last class reunion??)

After he examined my teeth, I asked if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes, Yes I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then that ugly, old, wrinkled, bald, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-biscuit maker asked, "What did you teach?"

A man starts a new job in a pickle factory but after a week has to visit the psychiatrist. "I've got to leave the pickle factory", he said. "Every time I go there I have an inexplicable urge to put my 'pickle' in the pickle slicer!"

The psychiatrist tells him to relax and go back to work. After a week he came back and said his urge had got worse. The psychiatrist calmed him down and sent him back to work again. The next week he came back looking really dejected and said "I finally did it. I put my 'pickle' in the pickle slicer."

"What happened?" exclaimed the psychiatrist.

"The boss came in and caught me and I got fired."

"What about the pickle slicer?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Oh", said the man, "She got fired too."

One night, Tom does what he normally does --- he kisses his wife, crawls into bed and falls asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe sitting next to him!

"What the heck are you doing in my bedroom...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied. "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog would be too tiring, but a hen would probably have a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself nicely feathered and in a chicken farm. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Doggone it Tom! Wake up! You're messin' up the bed sheets again!"

An elderly couple, Margaret and Charles, are in California. Charles always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated Charles storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looks up and says, "Charles, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Charles yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope", she replies.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

To which Margaret replies...

"Shoulda bought a hat, Charles. Shoulda bought a hat."

The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed
her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed
for five full minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed
her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she
screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man said, "Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I
rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat). We made love, and she
screamed for over six hours."

The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, "What could you
have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

The Jewish man said, "I wiped my hands on the bedspread."