A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived ...and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral ---

Not all Southerners are stupid
Not all blondes are dumb
But, all men..... are men

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

It was entertainment day at the Senior Center and the Amazing
Chauncey was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see
the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Chauncey went to the front of the meeting room, he announced:
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here
to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every
member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Chauncey withdrew a
beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat pocket.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a
very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He
began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch".
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,
light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes
followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred
pieces.
"SHIT!", said the hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center

Maria had just gotten married and, being a traditional Italian, she was a Virgin. On the wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very Nervous.

Her mother reassured the daughter; "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Mean while, I'll be making pasta."

When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big Hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go Upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy Legs.

Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama Mama, Tony took off his Pants and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry!
All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs And he'll take good care of you."

When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot, he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and A half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta."

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR
SHOULDER?"
THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK.
WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT "WE CAN'T
ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED THE
BIRD DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH,
BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND
MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE
OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCKY COULD STICK
HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE.
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT",
WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE. "HELL, AT
OUR AGE, WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL."
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S
EATIN' MY POPCORN