>>Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her
>>eighties and had never been married.
>>She was admired for her sweetness
>>and kindness to all.
>>
>>One afternoon the pastor came
>>to call on her and she
>>showed him into her quaint sitting room.
>>She invited him to have a seat while
>>she prepared tea. As he sat
>>facing her old Hammond organ,
>>the young minister
>>noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
>>The bowl was filled with water,
>>and in the water floated,
>>of all things, a condom! When she
>>returned with tea
>>and scones, they began to chat.
>>The pastor tried to
>>stifle his curiosity about the bowl
>>of water and its
>>strange floater, but soon it got
>>the
>>better of him and
>>he could no longer resist.
>>
>>"Miss Beatrice," he said,
>>"I wonder if you would tell
>>me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
>>"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?
>>I was walking through the Park
>>a few months ago and I found this little
>>package on the ground. The directions
>>said to place it on the organ,
>>keep it wet and that it would prevent
>>the spread of disease.
>>Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter

She told me we couldn't afford beer at $25.00 a case anymore and I'd have to quit drinking. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up, and I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that's what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.....

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door."

HOPE EACH OF YOU WILL HAVE A DAY FULL OF LOVE...LAUGHTER...JOY ON THIS SPECIAL DAY...WAS GOING TO WAIT TO VALENTINE DAY TO WISH YOU A SPECIAL DAY...WE HAVE BAD STORMS COMMING IN TODAY..TONIGHT..AND TOMMORROW..DIDNT WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE JUST IN CASE THE POWER IS OFF OR INTERNET IS OFF...LOVE ALL OF MY INTERNET FRIENDS

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"