A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart,
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the cardiologist in the beautiful heart
forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral ... I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist [rectum dr.] fainted.

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up.

"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once."

"Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.

"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He’s afraid to cough."

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

"Get well soon..... From the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits
down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting

at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to

the table, leans over, looks the biggest,
meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went

by your grandma's house today and I saw
her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is

one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one

bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:

"I got it on with your Grandma and she is good,

the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad

but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans

on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you

something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk

by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes

and says:

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk.

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

'Don't move! You're a statue!'

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!"