A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

He answers, “Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to crap when you hear the price..

Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.

"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied.

Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10
inches long.

"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his
hands.

"Vere dit yew git dat monster??"

"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from my Genie."

"You haff a Genie," Sven asked.

"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle pox," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?"

Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says,

"Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun
vish?"

"Yes, I will," says the Genie

So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.The Genie disappears back
into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his
million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million
ducks ................ flying overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf.

"Yumpin' Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Olaf answers,

"Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew
really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

A young, well-educated man on a business trip gets on the plane to
find himself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap
shirt, faded jeans and a cowboy hat. Thinking himself above the old
cowboy, the young man decides to make sport of him.

"You know," he says, "I've heard these flights go more quickly if
you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let's talk."

The cowboy looks at him wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be
all right. What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know, "says the young man with a hint of sarcasm, "How
about nuclear proliferation?"

"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing the young man's attempt to beliitle
him, "That could be an interesting topic. But, let me ask you a question
first --horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet, a
deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse
makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

Dumbfounded, the young man replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

So tell me then," says the cowboy with a smile, "How is it that you
feel qualified to discuss nukes when you don't know sh*t?"

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin . ... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

Hope each of you have an awesome weekend...taking the weekend off from all my blogging sites...Love and Hugs to each of you....