It was the end of the school year. The teacher had turned in her
grades; there was nothing really for the class to do. All the kids
were restless and it was near the end of the day. So the teacher
thought of an activity. She said, "The first ones to answer correctly
the questions I ask may leave early today."
Little Johnny said to himself, "Good, I'm smart and I want to get outa here."
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
But before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln?"
The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may go."
Johhny was mad that Susie had answered first. The teacher asked,
"Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" But before Johnny could open
his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King!" The teacher said, "That's
right, Mary. You may go." Johnny was even madder than before. Mary
had answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not what your
country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy piped,
"John Kennedy!" The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may go."
Now Johnny was furious! Nancy had answered first. Then the teacher
turned her back, and Johnny muttered, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!" The teacher spun around.
"WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said,
"BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George, quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house.......AND he left it there all night.

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were

sitting around talking about their aches and pains.

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"

said one.

"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even

see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"

said a third.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced

an old man.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Thank God we can all still drive," said one woman cheerfully